I think I flamed out for awhile there ... blogging and writing and blogging and writing and blogging ... until I thought I might implode. Everything felt like work. Just dragging myself out of the bed in the morning turned into a miniature triumph.
Writing seemed like such a bloody chore, I had force my way through every blog post. Fiction was a little easier, but not by much. Even though I wasn't under contract anymore, I kept pushing myself as if I was, and that attitude had a negative impact both on my work and my mental health.
The weird thing is that I never felt as stressed while writing under contract as I did when there is no contract. Writing on spec is hard, because you're never sure if the next thing is going to sell or not. I placed a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself.
And while all of these things were going on, I became frustrated and discouraged--two things that are never good for me--and the whole writing gig just plunged me into an abyss, where it seemed that no matter what I've done, I felt like I'd done nothing. I know this makes no sense, but bear with me ...
After some time off and a good long think, I realized I needed to write the stories and posts that I love writing. I'll never make money at this gig, so why be miserable?
Just to draw myself out of my funk, I wrote some blog posts about grimoires. I enjoyed working on them and had a great deal of fun. Then I decided to release a Los Nefilim novelette to my newsletter subscribers one chapter at a time. It's been very well received. My subscribers are having fun and so am I. The project isn't overwhelming, and I am slowly, but surely falling back into good writing habits.
I'm exceptionally pleased with the rewrite of my proposal for a new Los Nefilim novel. I'm also working on a Los Nefilim novella and a short story set in that world. In addition, I'm working on a contemporary novel that is beginning to take shape. I've also got some reviews of other authors' books that I'm looking forward to writing.
Self-care has become my watchword, and I'm learning to pace myself better. I want to thank the authors here at Supernatural Underground for being so supportive of my time away. I think I'll be around a bit more in the coming months, but if you don't see me here, it doesn't mean I've left. It simply means that I need a little time to regroup and clean up my attitude before showing my face in public.
Sometimes I just have to take five. I'm sure you do too.
Be well ...